Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The Doctor Visit

I made an appointment with a pediatrician last week for Peyton's check-up thinking that my parents might be here to help babysit while I take Peyton.  Going to the doctor for the past 6 years has been a depression trigger for me. After Hannah was about 3 I avoided it.  I only took Abigail once after she was born I think.  I just hated filling out those developmental questionnaires.  I hated the looks I got from the other parents and kids.  I hated the doctors because they couldn't even examine my daughter much less help her.  I think I had so much to deal with that it was just one more thing that I couldn't handle.  When I took Hannah she would always be belligerent...screaming and kicking and fighting everything they wanted to do.  She wouldn't stand on the scales.  She wouldn't stand still to get her height.  She would run around the halls making loud noises and crying and so forth.  I knew she was scared and didn't understand why were there and I was stressed out.  She even slapped one of the docs once. I think that was when I decided I wouldn't go back unless she was really sick.  I was horrified and embarrassed because they seemed horrified.  They were not equipped to deal with a kid like her.  Perhaps I should have changed doctors but I couldn't think about stuff like that... I was just trying to crawl up the muddy pit from day to day.

Here's a picture that I took of part of a receipt/report from the doctor dated 2-11-11...just three months ago. It says, "referral to TCH special care clinic 720-777-6739 cleared for surgery".  Hannah had to see the general practitioner in order to get a clearance to get general anesthesia for her dental surgery.

The referral to the "special care clinic" was because he couldn't do a darn thing with her.  He couldn't check her ears, eyes, tongue, listen to her heart, anything.  I can't believe I kept this receipt...I must have thought that I would look back on it "one day" and remember...I just didn't think that "one day" would be 3 months later!  Ok, so let's get to the good stuff.  Mom and Dad couldn't make it today for the appointment.  I thought about canceling the appointment but then I thought, "I'm going to take them all. They will do great. I need to do this."  So today I took Hannah, Abigail, and Peyton to the pediatrician's office for Peyton's appointment.  Hannah followed us right in the office, sat down and started looking at a bird book and looked out the window and was so calm and so well-behaved while the doc and I talked.  Abigail was also very well-behaved and did not interrupt us every minute.  We had to go into another room to weigh Peyton and Hannah didn't follow us but I heard her say, "Mom...Mom..." and then I heard one of the nurses say, "Mom's in here, honey. Go in there."  After the visit, Hannah walked out and sat in the waiting room and watched the fish without trying to reach in and catch one and without climbing on the tables and jumping off and without running out the door into the parking lot without me!  She just sat there like a normal child waiting on her mother to pay the bill.

After the doctor visit I was overjoyed.  I had no stress in my chest no stabbing pain in my neck from the anxiety no worries at all.  I couldn't believe I just took my three girls to a doctor's office with no issues!!  After that we went to the duck pond and Walmart.  When I was in Walmart I just walked where I needed to walk and Hannah followed me.  Sometimes, I didn't look back to make sure she was there.  I felt no stress.  I felt no staring eyes.  I felt no pain.


  1. Joan Evetts(Grammie)May 25, 2011 at 8:42 AM

    I am overjoyed with joy as well. I know how stressful life has been. This is a miracle. Thank God for Brain Balance. Healing without drugs; that is the best part. Monica , you are becoming stronger everyday and I am so proud of you... Mom

  2. I am sure God planned for your parents not being able to be there, so you could have this wonderful experience and see Him at work!
    So excited for you!

  3. I am so amazed! This brought tears to my eyes- lots of love to you all! Hattie

  4. Monica,
    Unless someone has personally been down this path there is no way they could truly understand the things you have been through. Over the years, I have watched you and Steven, and the patience and love in Hannah's eyes, and yours as you have all tried to learn just to communicate. This is great news.

    I was thinking this morning that I wished corn grew more like trees. That way I could track Hannah's progress in its rings. If those had been tree seeds, we'd have something transplanted in the yard to commemorate her journey. Thankfully, we have the laughs and fun, and the memories of a great time with great friends.

    It is so fun to hear of each new milestone, and triumph for Hannah. I can still remember when she changed from rung away to smiling at me in church. Then, I could get the occasional wave.



  5. I never realized how much stress I had placed on myself with going to a routine Dr's visit until I read your post. I guess in the back of my mind I thought I was half-nuts or something. Other moms did not appear to have spent half the night before up getting the diaper bag ready, getting distracting items in the bag, praying that my son would not have a temper fit in the waiting room, or in the Doctor's office when being examined. I thought I was so alone. I wish I knew other Moms had similar challenges. My boy is now 9 and we have just begun the BB Program. He has come a long way since age of 3 when he was "kicked out" of preschool because the nice, experienced, Christian pre-school teacher said she was "fed up" with him and would have him in her classroom no more. I see much of his previous behavior in what you describe in your daughter's behavior. I love how you authentically are able to articulate what is going on in your emotional life. I was not so in touch with myself at the time, and unfortunately was in denial, and deep depression. I guess I just want to thank you for sharing your life and I hope it helps another mom to not wait, not suffer alone, to search and find a solution, at treatment, and a hope...